You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
– Attributed to motivational speaker/author Jim Rohn
And this is why I’ve stopped letting extroverts “adopt” me as a friend (as the old joke about introverts goes).
How did it happen that someone as shy as me would always end up with a BFF super loud and outgoing and… a bit crazy, tbh??
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The Friend Version of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl
It happened at least 3 times in my life, from high school onwards into my adult life.
For a time, I would love the BFF. Hence, the name BFF.
We would become inseparable, with this girl always inviting me to parties. Or to the mall/movies/out on a spontaneous trip!
And sometimes, I would be roped into situations I wasn’t quite comfortable with…
A party that was too wild. An argument with a stranger at Sephora. A trip that *I* ended up having to pay 90% for, because the BFFdidn’t think to bring enough money to feed herself or pay for gas.
Every. Single. Time.
The friendship would go from cute and whimsical to absolutely draining and just too much.
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Extrovert… Or Something More Nefarious?
When I couldn’t take the instability anymore, I always asked myself what was wrong with me.
But after a certain age, I learned to question the situation.
I began to see cracks in the extrovert label. These girls were drama-seeking, unreliable, and often inconsiderate.
- Sure, they would invite me to a party ~ then leave me there alone without a ride.
- Sure, they would invite me on trips ~ that I ended up having to pay for.
- Sure, it was nice going shopping with them ~ until they started a heated argument with a total stranger.
I realized, none of this is normal.
This isn’t extrovert behavior. This is histrionic behavior.
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What Is Histrionic Personality Disorder?
Google says:
HPD is a mental health condition characterized by a long-term pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking behavior, often starting by early adulthood.
Individuals with HPD feel uncomfortable when they are not the center of attention, frequently using dramatic, charming, or seductive behavior to be noticed.
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In the book 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life, Bill Eddy identifies what he calls High-Conflict People (HCPs).
Histrionic is listed as one of the people who can ruin your life.
Because they are driven by a constant need to be the center of attention, when they feel ignored, they create “high-intensity” drama, exaggerate stories, or manufacture crises to pull the spotlight back onto themselves.
Nobody can be in the spotlight 24/7. And being friends with someone who pulls crazy stunts to stay in the limelight is exhausting.
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Let’s Be Friends? No, Thank You!
Over time, I’ve learned not to let people into my life right away. Just because they’re trying to latch onto me doesn’t mean I have to accept it.
I decline invitations, observe the other person’s behavior, and get to know them more before diving into any sort of friendship.
It has saved me a lot of time, headaches, and even money.
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After reading this, is there someone in your life or in your past that’s making you go 👀?
After growing up in a dysfunctional family, it was too easy for me to assume their behaviors were normal. But now I’m older, and I’ve been protecting my peace for some time.
And trust me, life is much better this way!
Take care,
Dear Quiet
signal.log: 5.1.2026
status = aware
engaging_ no b.s. _sequence