Dear Quiet

My stepfather (86) was in and out of the hospital for much of 2025. In 2026, his health took a turn for the worse.

Because he denied hospice, he was suffering. A lot. For weeks, my mom would text me that he was at the hospital and would not make it. Then a couple of days later she would text me that he was at home and doing much better.

Over and over again.

It was an emotional roller coaster that I had been pulled into, and my heart was truly breaking for him.

Even though he had been abusive and destructive to me for most of my life, I still felt love for him, and I still didn’t want him to suffer or be scared.

So when I got the news that he passed, I felt lighter.

I felt relief.

Not because he had died.

But because he wasn’t suffering anymore.

Relief can be and is a normal part of grieving. It’s not happiness that they’re gone. It’s not selfish. It’s not bad.

It’s normal.

Because when you love somebody, you don’t want them to suffer (especially for the many months and weeks that my stepfather suffered).

Physically, my stepfather was in pain. His lung had collapsed and he could barely breathe. He had heart issues. In the end, a stroke and yet he lived a few days after the stroke.

Mentally, he knew he was at the end of his life. It was clear. The doctors had already told him that he would not improve. They suggested hospice, and we all know what that means.

He suffered a lot, physically and mentally/emotionally.

Of course I felt relief when he died. And you might have felt a similar way when a loved one who was suffering finally passed away.

Not because you’re evil or happy about it, but because you’re compassionate and glad that their suffering has ended.

Life is complicated like that. Grief isn’t just sadness or darkness. Sometimes it can bring a feeling of lightness and relief.

Sometimes you can cry, and through the tears, you express that you are glad that the pain for them has ended. It’s not all good. It’s not all bad. It’s not even a combination of those two much-too-simplistic words.

Grief is complicated.

And if you’re going through a time of grief like I am, I assure you that you’re more than allowed to feel the way that you feel.

You can grieve in your own way.

Everyone is different and every situation is different.

In my situation, the suffering was so great that it caused relief when it was over.

My sister (whom I haven’t seen in over 20 years) sent me insulting texts because, apparently, I wasn’t grieving the way she wanted me to. I wasn’t doing what she wanted me to do. She was cruel and cold about it.

So, I blocked her number.

I will speak more about that situation in the future (another complicated one), but for now… I don’t need her venom adding to my grief.

Today, I feel less emotional than back when he was suffering and in pain. I’m in touch with my mom and she sounds like she’s coping well.

We’re all moving forward in our own ways.

Take care,
Dear Quiet

signal.log: 3.29.2026
unlocked: my_own_way
status: relieved