Everyone on social media wants to be transparent. They want to be vulnerable. Authentic.
Especially when they want to use their past struggles to help those who are going through those same struggles now.
I used to be one of those people.
Used to be.
There are a few HARSH truths that I learned after I shared my life ~ and bared it all.
Today, I’m going to share those hard-learned lessons with you.
Keep in mind that this is just my personal experience. I share it for those who would like to be as open as I used to be ~ so that you have all possibilities in mind before hitting that Publish button.
I Don’t Believe You Because That’s Not My Experience
In the past, I’ve shared about the abuse I suffered growing up at the hands of my stepfather. I used to share it in person, and I used to share it online.
I wanted to help others who had been in a similar situation. I wanted them to see: you are not alone.
But what actually happened was… concerning.
A lot of people (and I mean a lot) simply didn’t believe me because “fathers don’t do that to their daughters.”
It was bad enough that someone would think I would lie about something so serious. But it was downright upsetting that, just because their worldview was normal, they didn’t believe anyone could’ve had a different experience with their own father/stepfather.
They didn’t believe my experience, simply because it wasn’t their experience.
I stopped sharing when one day, I told a friend that the first time my stepfather accused me of flirting with him, I was only six and very confused. She asked, “Well… did you??”
It was easier for her to believe that a six year old could flirt with a grown 50+ man than to believe that my stepfather was a sick man, who should never have made that accusation.
That was the last time I shared.
The pain of the past was enough. I didn’t need the pain of not being believed over and over again.
If you share, be aware that you may encounter the following:
- Fathers/mothers/etc. “don’t do that.”
- What you described “wasn’t that bad” (even if it WAS!).
- They never experienced that, so you never experienced that, period.
- Defending yourself against accusations of lying really, really hurts.
- People may also associate the abuse with YOU more than with the actual abuser.
- People may put the burden on forgiveness fully on YOU and never demand that the abuser apologize instead.
I’m not suggesting that you don’t share. But you can use my experience to plan what you will do, say, or how you will react if you encounter any of these things.
What You Shared Is Juicy, Let Me Gossip About It
The second major issue I encountered while sharing my life was that it was used against me.
In my 20’s, I went through a 6-year period when I drank too much. I considered myself an alcoholic.
I was finally able to break free, and my freedom felt so good that I wrote a book about it!
I detailed why I started drinking, my experience with drinking, how damaging it all was: but most of the book focused on the steps I took to finally break free from the habit.
I wrote it meaning to help others get sober.
It was instead used against me.
The people who bought it and knew me used the first 20% of the book (my experience) to gossip among everyone they knew on Facebook and in real life.
They conveniently ignored the 80% of the book where I helped people recover, and they ignored that I’d been sober for years by then.
Instead, they slandered me, ridiculed me, and some even started treating me like I was beneath them because of what I’d been through.
To them, I wasn’t the 28 year old that had successfully overcome an addiction and published an entire book about the topic to help others.
I was just ~ a drunk. A wino. Lower than scum.
I also stopped sharing about my recovery, and in my 30’s, I unpublished the book. It has been out of print for over a decade.
If you share, be aware that you may ALSO encounter the following:
- You share to help, but they use your details as gossip and slander.
- Your achievements of overcoming abuse/addiction/etc. are ignored, but your initial struggle is highlighted.
- People may judge you based only on your past and not who you are today.
- You may lose friends after revealing your past struggles.
- You may also lose status, invitations, and your reputation.
- You may be treated differently, as if you’re beneath other people or just a troubled person.
Again, I’m not telling you not to share. These are all possibilities you may prepare for ~ and honestly, they are not guaranteed to happen.
Remember that this is just a cautionary tale, not me trying to talk you out of sharing your story.
Your intended audience (the people you are trying to help) will be there. So you may find that it’s so rewarding to help, that no amount of gossip or lost friends will stop you.
And that’s wonderful!
My intent with this blog post is to help nothing blindside you. When you’re considering the good parts of sharing openly, now you can also consider some of the bad parts, too.
And then make your own decision.
Thank you so much for reading, and I hope that you’re able to avoid or navigate some of these pitfalls if you choose to share your past struggles. And I hope that you reach a loyal, kind audience that you can help with your experience!
Take care,
Dear Quiet
signal.log: 9.19.2026
engaging: honesty
updating… _methods.of.sharing