The process was SO effective! It was like I opened my brain and surgically changed this memory.
This process works, because memories are not concrete.
Why It Works
Every time you recall an event, your brain opens the memory and subtly rewrites parts of it. This is called Memory Reconsolidation.
- Memory Reconsolidation:
- When a stored memory is recalled, the brain enters a temporary state of synaptic instability.
- During this window, the memory must be re-saved (“reconsolidated”).
- Any new information, current emotional state, or context present during retrieval can be incorporated into the updated memory trace before it stabilizes again.
The Memory
They screwed me over again.
My own parents of all people. My money and my possessions were mostly gone, and I was living in a trailer, one missed paycheck away from being destitute.
I cried on the tattered sofa that came with the mobile home.
No. I wept.
I wept from the realization that these people (my parents) would never be to me what I needed them to be: normal, loving parents. I wept because I had worked SO HARD to save money and rebuild my life near them.
I wept because I was in a jam. No one could help me. I’d have to claw my way back up again after this major betrayal. Starting from zero at age 29 was a painful setback after all I’d been through.
On that tattered sofa, at a trailer park in a dangerous part of town, I cried my eyes out.
What I Did to Change This Memory
After leaving that situation, I was haunted by the memory of all I’d been through. I was in a new apartment, in a new city, in a new state… and yet I couldn’t shake the memory.
I had nightmares that I was back on that tattered sofa, crying, the emotions as real as if I were really there.
I knew about the flimsiness of memories, so I decided to purposely recall that memory. Then I started changing it ~ I added myself to the memory, comforting my younger self and telling her that it would be okay.
I did this on purpose. I would have “thinking sessions” when I would meditate upon the memory, with myself comforting myself in the image.
I did this when the memory popped up suddenly. I changed the image to include my present-day self with my past-self.
I never let this memory slip past without me changing it.
The Change
Then one day, when the memory popped up again… it was already changed.
The memory was no longer of me alone, but it was me, in that situation but with me there: providing comfort, hope, and the promise that it would all be okay.
The memory changed, so the feelings that came with it changed, too.
It was no longer a memory of desperation, fear, and doubt. It was now a bittersweet memory of a trouble I went through, a long time ago, that came with feelings of security, love, and protection.
Eventually, the memory stopped haunting me altogether.
These days, I only think of the memory when I read a book about neuroplasticity or the mind, and I recall how amazing the whole experience was, and how much it helped me to heal and move on.
The mind is truly an amazing, powerful thing.
Take care,
Dear Quiet
signal.log: 9.9.2026
engaging: meditation
updating… _memories