Dear Quiet

engaging : trust
delete_file / worry
all_systems_go

I’m going through a difficult time in my life, where PMDD has met perimenopause in a battle for my soul. Dramatic. But it feels that way sometimes.

I made the mistake of being sedentary for a while, because my shoulders and neck decided to have a painful cramp that lasted 4 weeks (2 weeks on one side, 2 weeks on the other). I also overindulged in junk food. It was easier than cooking while feeling so much pain.

And this past month, the result was that PMDD came with terrible insomnia, even worse anxiety, and a general feeling of impending doom.

Not just for me. I could tolerate that. But for my family. I worried endlessly about my son, to the point that I didn’t want him to go to preschool today.

But I am DONE with it. I am done being bullied by these conditions. So:

I am starting my week of shameless, unadulterated, radical optimism!

Yes, I could’ve kept my son at home today and it would have been easier (for me, not him. He loves school). Then I remembered how my mother became agoraphobic.

We would never leave the house as children. If my sister and I went anywhere, we could always see our mother’s eyes peeking through the blinds. It didn’t give me a comforting feeling. It was more of a strange feeling of being watched, but not protected.

This isn’t to blame her or criticize her. We all have our difficulties to deal with, and she had her own. I’m just saying that it’s not who I want to become.

I dropped him off today, and honestly? I felt okay with it. It was further proof that the PMDD/perimenopause/sleep deprivation was getting to me. Or even spiritual warfare. I’m not sure if you believe in that, but as a Christian, that is a reality for us.

And after dropping him off, I decided: if PMDD/peri can make me radically worried, maybe I can fight against it. Be the opposite.

Prove that I don’t have to be bullied by the feelings these conditions can have on women like me.

I will fully trust God. I will lean into optimism. I will be bright and expect good things to happen!

I will also exercise and eat better, which is kind of a requirement at this point in my life :-]

(If you’re young, please, never take your good health for granted.)

One week of radical optimism: here I come! 💎

Take care,
Dear Quiet

signal.log 12.02.25
installed: be_positive
heart/status: [.awakened.]